Category: Career | Read time: 5 min
Your colleague keeps taking credit for your work. Your boss gives you unrealistic deadlines. Someone on your team isn't pulling their weight. You know you need to say something. You've been putting it off for weeks.
Why We Avoid It
Because our brain treats social conflict like physical danger. The same fight-or-flight response that kept our ancestors alive now fires up when we need to tell Dave he missed the deadline again. Your brain would rather endure months of resentment than 10 minutes of discomfort.
The Framework: SBI
Situation → Behavior → Impact. That's the structure. No accusations, no emotions, just facts.
Situation: "In yesterday's team meeting..." Behavior: "...you presented the client proposal as your own work..." Impact: "...which was frustrating because I spent two weeks building it and wasn't credited."
Compare that to: "You always steal my ideas and it's not fair." Same message, completely different reception.
Before the Conversation
- Write down your SBI. Don't wing it. Script the opening line.
- Pick the right time. Not in front of others. Not when either of you is stressed. "Can we grab 10 minutes today? I want to talk about something."
- Decide your outcome. What do you actually want to happen? An apology? A behavior change? A process change? Know this before you walk in.
During the Conversation
- State your SBI calmly
- Ask for their perspective: "How do you see it?"
- Listen. They might have context you don't.
- Agree on a specific action: "Going forward, can we [specific change]?"
- Thank them for hearing you out
The Scripts
Colleague taking credit: "In the client meeting on Tuesday, the proposal was presented without mentioning my contribution. I put significant work into that and I'd like to be credited. Can we agree that going forward, we'll acknowledge who worked on what?"
Boss with unrealistic deadlines: "I want to deliver quality work on the Henderson project. The current deadline means I'd need to cut corners on [specific thing]. Can we either extend the deadline by [time] or reduce the scope to [specific adjustment]?"
Team member not pulling weight: "I've noticed the weekly reports have been late the last 3 weeks. That's creating a bottleneck for the rest of the team. What's going on? Is there something I can help with?"
Notice: no blame, no "you always," no emotional language. Just facts and a question.
If It Goes Badly
Sometimes people get defensive. That's okay. You can say: "I'm not trying to attack you. I just want to find a solution that works for both of us. Can we come back to this tomorrow with fresh eyes?"
You've planted the seed. Even if the conversation doesn't resolve immediately, they'll think about it.
Work problem you can't figure out? Ask Neady.
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