Relationships✓ Follow-up at 8 weeks2,670 views
I moved to a new city and I don't know anyone
A new city social building plan using activity-based meetups, workplace connections, and consistent effort to build a friend group from scratch.
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Follow-Up Result
8 weeks laterBuilt a solid friend group of 5 people through activities and consistent effort
The Problem
I moved to a new city for work three months ago and I'm lonely. I don't know anyone outside of coworkers I barely talk to. I spend every weekend alone in my apartment. Making friends as an adult is nothing like college — there's no built-in social structure. I've thought about going to events but showing up alone feels pathetic. I'm starting to regret the move.
The Plan
Week 1-2: Put Yourself in Social Situations
Join one recurring weekly activity: sports league, book club, volunteer group, fitness class — the key is seeing the same people repeatedly
Use Meetup.com and Bumble BFF — they exist specifically for this and there's no shame in using them
Say yes to every work social invitation for the first 3 months — happy hours, lunch groups, team outings
Explore your neighborhood: become a regular at a coffee shop, gym, or bar — familiarity breeds connection
Showing up alone isn't pathetic — it's brave. Everyone at those events was new once
Week 3-4: Deepen Connections
When you click with someone, take the initiative: "Want to grab coffee this weekend?" — someone has to go first
Host something simple: game night, movie night, potluck — being the organizer is the fastest way to build a social circle
Be patient: real friendships take 50+ hours of shared time to develop. It won't happen in a week
Stay in touch with old friends too — video calls and visits maintain those connections while you build new ones
Give it 6 months before judging the move — the first 3 months are always the hardest
Resources
Meetup.com — find local activity groups
Bumble BFF — friend-finding app
r/makingfriends — community advice on building social connections
Your city's subreddit — local events and meetup recommendations
Follow-Up Result
8 weeks in: I joined a Tuesday evening volleyball league through Meetup and a Saturday morning running group. Those two activities gave me 15+ people I see regularly. I clicked with 3 of them and we've started hanging out outside the activities — dinner, concerts, hiking. I also became a regular at a coffee shop near my apartment and I'm on a first-name basis with the baristas and a few other regulars. Hosted a small game night with 4 people and it was genuinely fun. The loneliness isn't gone completely but it's manageable. The key was committing to showing up consistently, even when I didn't feel like it.Know someone with this problem?
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