The Problem

My best friend just told me they're getting divorced after 15 years. I don't know what to say. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, taking sides, or making it worse. They call me crying at midnight and I want to help but I feel useless. I also secretly liked their spouse and I don't know how to navigate that. I want to be there for my friend but I'm completely out of my depth.

The Plan

Week 1-2: Show Up and Listen

You don't need to fix anything — just being present is the most valuable thing you can do

Say: "I'm here for you, whatever you need" and mean it. Don't say: "I never liked them anyway" or "you'll find someone better"

Listen without giving advice unless asked — they need to process, not be told what to do

Check in regularly with specific offers: "I'm bringing dinner Thursday" is better than "let me know if you need anything"

Don't ask for details about the divorce unless they volunteer — respect their privacy and their process

Week 3-4: Practical Support

Help with logistics if they need it: watching kids, helping them move, researching lawyers

Invite them to do normal things: movie, walk, dinner — they need normalcy, not just crisis support

Don't disappear after the initial shock — divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Check in at week 6, month 3, month 6

Take care of yourself too — supporting someone through crisis is emotionally draining. Set boundaries if you need to

If they're struggling with mental health, gently suggest therapy — you can be a friend, not a therapist

Resources

"How to Be a Friend" (various articles on supporting someone through divorce)

r/Divorce — understanding what your friend is going through

Local divorce support groups — suggest these when they're ready

Your own therapist — if supporting them is affecting your mental health

Follow-Up Result

Pending