Solutions→Getting Unstuck Getting Unstuck✓ Follow-up at 8 weeks2,890 views
I have zero confidence and I don't know how to build it
A confidence building plan using small wins, body language, skill development, and cognitive reframing to build genuine self-assurance from the ground up.
📊
Follow-Up Result
8 weeks laterConfidence visibly improved through small wins, body language changes, and therapy
The Problem
I have no confidence. I speak quietly, I avoid eye contact, I second-guess every decision, and I assume people don't want to hear what I have to say. I've been this way my whole life and I don't know how to change it. I see confident people and I wonder what they have that I don't. I'm tired of being invisible and I want to take up space in the world.
The Plan
Week 1-2: Start with Your Body
Confidence starts physical: stand up straight, shoulders back, chin up. Your body tells your brain how to feel
Make eye contact when speaking — start with 3 seconds, then look away briefly, then back. It gets easier
Speak slightly louder than feels comfortable — most unconfident people speak too quietly
Dress in clothes that make you feel good — when you like how you look, you carry yourself differently
Exercise regularly — it improves posture, energy, and self-image. Even walking counts
Week 3-4: Build Through Action
Set one small challenge per week: introduce yourself to someone new, share an opinion in a meeting, try something you've been avoiding
Confidence comes from evidence, not affirmations. Every time you do something scary and survive, your confidence grows
Develop one skill you're proud of — competence breeds confidence. Get really good at something
Stop apologizing for existing: replace "sorry" with "thank you" — "thank you for waiting" instead of "sorry I'm late"
Therapy can help identify the root of low confidence — often it's childhood experiences that created beliefs you can update
Resources
"The Confidence Gap" by Russ Harris — building confidence through action, not feelings
"Presence" by Amy Cuddy — the science of body language and confidence
Toastmasters — builds speaking confidence in a supportive environment
Therapy — especially helpful for deep-rooted confidence issues
Follow-Up Result
8 weeks in: the body language changes were the fastest win. Standing up straight and making eye contact changed how people responded to me — they started listening more and engaging more. I set weekly challenges: week 1 was introducing myself to a new coworker, week 4 was sharing an idea in a team meeting, week 7 was presenting to a group of 10. Each one was terrifying and each one built evidence that I can do hard things. I started therapy and we're working on childhood beliefs that told me I wasn't worth listening to. I'm not a naturally confident person yet but I'm acting confident, and the feelings are starting to follow the actions.Know someone with this problem?
Share this solution. They get $5 off their first plan.