Relationships✓ Follow-up at 8 weeks1,980 views
My sibling and I don't get along and it's affecting the whole family
An adult sibling conflict resolution guide covering communication, boundary setting, and rebuilding a relationship strained by years of rivalry.
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Follow-Up Result
8 weeks laterRelationship improved after setting boundaries and finding common ground
The Problem
My sister and I have been competitive and hostile since childhood. She criticizes my parenting, I resent her success, and every family gathering turns into a passive-aggressive showdown. Our parents are caught in the middle and holidays are tense. I don't even know if I like her as a person but she's my sister and I feel like I should try. The relationship is exhausting but cutting her off feels extreme.
The Plan
Week 1-2: Understand the Dynamic
Recognize that adult sibling rivalry often has childhood roots: favoritism, competition for attention, different treatment
Ask yourself honestly: what do I actually want from this relationship? A close friendship? Peaceful coexistence? Minimal contact?
Stop competing — her success doesn't diminish yours. Your parenting choices don't need her approval
Set boundaries around criticism: "I appreciate your concern but I'm not looking for parenting advice"
Consider whether your parents are fueling the rivalry — sometimes parents unconsciously pit siblings against each other
Week 3-4: Rebuild (If You Want To)
Start with low-stakes interactions: a text, a coffee, a short phone call — not a 3-day family vacation
Find one thing you have in common and build on it — shared memories, a mutual interest, concern for your parents
If she's open to it, have an honest conversation: "I'd like our relationship to be better. Can we talk about what's not working?"
Accept that you may never be best friends — and that's okay. Peaceful, respectful coexistence is a valid goal
Family therapy can help if you're both willing — a neutral third party can break decades-old patterns
Resources
"Adult Sibling Rivalry" by Dr. Jane Greer — understanding and resolving sibling conflict
Family therapy — specifically helpful for sibling dynamics
r/relationships — community advice on difficult family relationships
"Boundaries" by Henry Cloud — setting limits with family members
Follow-Up Result
8 weeks in: I stopped engaging in the competition. When she made a comment about my parenting, I said "I hear you, but I'm comfortable with my approach" and changed the subject. The first time, she was surprised. The second time, she dropped it. I invited her for coffee — just the two of us, no parents, no kids — and we had the most genuine conversation we've had in years. Turns out she feels competitive too and she's also tired of it. We agreed to stop criticizing each other and to call out the dynamic when we notice it happening. We're not best friends but we're civil and even warm sometimes. The last family dinner was the most peaceful in years.Know someone with this problem?
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